Monday, January 21, 2008

I fail(ed) as a housekeeper

Today I finally broke down and bought a broom.

Does that statement disgust you? Does it make you wonder, "Gosh, this girl's lived in her apartment since August and hasn't swept once. What, pray tell, has she been doing instead of sweeping her apartment?'

The answer, I suppose, would be: a lot. A lot of things I probably shouldn't talk about on this blog.

To tell the truth, I've been limping along with a Swiffer sweeper and, later, a microfiber cloth used on the Swiffer sweeper instead of a Swiffer (I love saying Swiffer). The Swiffer, environmental horror that it is, did a decent job of picking up medium-sized dry objects on the floor, but didn't perform a mopping function, nor pick up very large or very small objects. The microfiber cleaning cloth did a slightly worse job of everything, though it could be used dry (and made a decent duster) or wet (as a decent makeshift mop).

But, I needed a broom. One of those quaint old relics of the 19th century.

I guess I fancy my little apartment a bachelorette pad; a cozy refuge for sinful deeds, the cooking of spicy and garlicky foods, the imbibing of alcohol, the reading of banned books. The gritty, backaching business of cleaning didn't really figure into this scenario.

But I cleaned as I went along. I really did. I deep-cleaned my bathroom as the new year dawned. I used up a pack of Swiffers in record time, and started using my microfiber cloth with wild abandon as soon as I bought it. I dusted regularly. But still, in my bare feet at night, the moment would be ruined by an errant tortilla chip or rose petal on the floor. Sitting there, mocking me.

In addition, I shed a lot. Long blond hairs, by themselves, are fairly invisible, but somehow they weave together with grayish lint of indeterminate origin (my belly button, maybe?) to form filthy dust bunnies of the worst sort. As I walk by on my usual paths around the apartment, they congregate in corners, or scuttle under the bed, table or couch.

They are horrible, but as of now, they are all in the trash can. Because I finally bought a broom.

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