Five trends that deserve to die

I don't spend much time thinking about trends, but since everyone's chirping about new clothing trends now that NY Fashion Week wrapped up, I've complied a list of clothing and beauty trends I'm ready to see die. I hate to be so negative, but...ah well. Let 'em rip.

1. Hooker heels

Watching women walk in shoes like these is like
watching a baby donkey taking its first steps.

I love a high heel, but designers have popularized sky-high platform hooker heels that A) aren't particularly attractive and B) no one can walk in. Too-tall heels, especially when they are badly constructed, really cheapen the wearer. Abide by this rule of thumb: beyond a 3-inch heel, you're dealing with diminishing returns.

2. Leggings

Ugh.

It seems like leggings have been trendy forever. A popular item among lazy and uncreative girls, they will make your legs look like tree trunks if you have any muscle mass whatsoever. Wear tights instead if you want to cover your legs. Or wear those antiquated garments called "pants."

Of course, the upshot is that Lindsay Lohan's penchant for leggings spawned Lindsay Lohan LeggingWatch over at GoFugYourself, which his pretty funny.

3. Stick-straight hair (especially stick-straight blond hair)

Heidi Montag straightens and bleaches her hair.
You don't want to be like Heidi, do you?

Fashion magazines have long fed us the stupid notion that all curls and waves must be straightened for a woman to look sleek and sexy, but it's just not true. I'd like to see women embracing their curls, and certainly giving up the bleaching habit. You're not fooling anyone if you have olive skin and straight, straw-colored hair.

I've heard talk that this insistence on straight hair is truly becoming passe, and I was heartened to see curly hair on runways during NY Fashion Week, most notably at the Diane von Furstenburg show.

(the next two trends are easy targets, I admit, but they make me so neck-vein-pulsingly angry I must comment.)

4. Acrylic nails

I Google Image Searched "acrylic nails" and this
was the third result. WHAT THE FUCK, WHY?!

Hey, you know what's sexy? Gluing square pieces of plastic to the tips of your fingers, inhaling noxious chemicals in the process. Whoever decided this was an attractive or prudent thing to do?

Here's a hint: try eating healthy and taking vitamins so your nails grow. Then shape and polish them. A shocking suggestion, I know.

5. Trashy chic

Hypnotic.

Especially in beach cities like LA and San Diego, people easily confuse "sloppy and trashy" with "stylish." Sweat pants, even if they are made by Juicy Couture or Victoria's Secret, are not stylish. Neither are track suits, platform flip-flops, or white tank tops over black bras. I realize this style is comfortable, but if you truly care about comfort and not some perverted idea of "style," you would be wearing no-name sweats rather than Juicy Couture or Victoria's Secret ones.

Like the curly hair thing, I think the tide is turning on this one. There's a trend toward looking a bit more polished and put-together, though there will always be sloppy people and they will always find silly brands to sell them stupid clothing masquerading as stylish duds.


Whew! That was weirdly cathartic.