Getting the Boot

Today I was thinking about Ugg boots and how much I despise them. I decided to channel my anger and browse for cool boots that don't throw me into a homicidal rage. Behold:



As you can probably tell from my selections, I am dogmatic when it comes to boots. They must be waterproof, yet the leather should not be overly stiff. They cannot be made of fake leather, because fake leather boots make your feet into stiff, sore, sweaty messes in 2.5 seconds flat.

They should be sleek, not clunky. They should have a stiletto heel or, barring that, a chunky but very high heel. They should have pointy or round toes; square toes do nothing to elongate the leg (this goes for footwear in general). They should not be flat, unless you enjoy looking like a hobbit. A 1"-2" heel is ok if you are tall/slim; otherwise, a heel that's at least 3" is better, if you can handle it.

Motorcycle-inspired boots are hot because they make you look like a badass. Also, I had a sociology TA with greased-back hair who wore a leather jacket, tight-ish jeans and motorcycle boots every day. He was oddly hot.

And Frye boots are cool, because serious boot-wearers swear by them, and they appear to be well-designed and well-constructed.

Suede is ok, but only as long as you are willing to waterproof it and take care of it.

Boots should be black, brown, toffee or tan; or, if you can pull it off, go for purple, burgundy, or dark green.

Over-the-knee boots should be saved for the bedroom. Avoid slouchy boots, because they make your legs and ankles look fat.

And I was going to say that ankle boots are stupid, but as I've been browsing I've found some cute ankle boots, so I guess they're ok. I hate when they are called "booties" or worn with dresses/skirts, because they make you look stumpy (Olsen twins, I blame you for this trend). Still, I think mid-calf boots are best in terms of looks and practicality.